Breaking News
Wikiality.com is slowly trying to get back in the groove of writing truthy news. Please excuse the quality and quantity during this period. Enjoy Write A Caption and our Daily Poll in the interim. See Also: :Daily Poll Write A Caption Bear Watchers Abomination Watch Breaking News Archive Latest In Truthy News Post Your Job!! because we need the money… January 19, 2009 - Nation, times are though the fundamentals of our economy are still strong, but we are out cash. Which is why we have decided to put a classified section, we are even posting peoples resumes, for a fee… oh, look! Looks like we have someone desperate in need. Name: Bushie “Yesman” Brownnose. Previous Occupation: White House lackey Assistant. Education: church and home schooled University of Higher Faith Hello Sir/Madam. I hope I will be able to join your marvelous presidential administration political office corporation investment firm law firm bank fast food restaurant. I bring years/decades of experience and I promise you that you will find no other loyal slave worker among the ignorant masses plethora of entrepreneurial minds. Experience: I have been for many years under the employment of Mr. Bush The Excellency Mr. Dick Cheney, and I can assure you he will vouch for my years of excellent services. One of my many jobs in my previous employment has been to keep facts and truths lies and fabrications away from the ears of my employer Mr. Bush so it wont confuse and distract him. I am aware that leaders/management requires silence and time to contemplate the many stressful decisions of everyday life, and it was my duty to maintain the status quo. I was also there to assist in the service and the improvement of morale in the office and also to strike his ego reaffirm Mr. Bush’s confidence in times of difficulties and need. You could say that I gave him overconfidence like the time I told him Katrina was not his fault, it was the liberals fault that unforeseeable events took place beyond his control. I was also an integral member that partook in the sabotaged, ridicule, and endangered debated and cordially disagreement of Mrs. Wilson's husband a formidable opponent as well as other individuals but I would rather not go into details. I have many years of experience in dealing and digging up dirty secrets and blackmailing the opposition as well as bullying the liberal media resorting with opposing views and arguments in which I was able to negotiate compromises and agreements. Also I am good at hiding bodies of dead hookers when needed I have experience in other areas of expertise, such as in dealing with the sensitive nature of an employer. SO PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!! I thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you in the future. List of References: George W. Bush, The Greatest President Ever: You could say that I was the third most influential man in the office! I gave the man most of my ideas and advices, mostly financial advices, cant wait for my Bears and Sterns share of profits!! Senator Ted Stevens: I was one of his many assistants before my tenure in the White House, and the one who helped him remodel his house. Alberto Gonzales: I assisted Mr. Gonzales in getting rid of some undesirable elements in the Department of Justice, no matter what. Bernie Madoff: Prior to politics, I worked in the financial sector with Mr. Madoff. I cannot wait to see my share of profits after working with Mr. Bush. Mark Foley: You could say he was my mentor when I worked as his personal congressional page during my teenage summers before and after high school. Lewis ‘Scooter’ Libby: I was the one that “helped” Mr. Libby during his trouble times. Duke Cunningham: I was the personal assistant of Mr. Cunningham for many years. He is one of the most honest man that I ever work with. Larry Craig: I did a lot of things for this man… lot of things… This man will vouch for me that I am willing to do anything to assist The Man. I served at the “pleasure” of his office. My Dad The People Behind The Greatest Presidency Ever Thank you for destroying bettering this Nation White House. January 17, 2009 - As the last days of The Greatest President Ever comes to an end, we should remind all Real Americans that they should be thanking the people behind The Greatest Presidency Ever, for making this The Greatest Presidency Ever in Human History!! Here is a sample of these loyal bushies. Imagine what would the Presidency would look like without them... perish the thought... *Dick Cheney: The Greatest Vice-President Ever. There is nothing more to be said, history will remember him to be the greatest Sith Lord man on history, after Bush, of course… *Karl Rove: This spawn of Satan This sweet Angel has been called the brains behind the Presidency, if he is the Brain then Bush is the heart! *Alberto Gonzales: I don’t recall much about this guy, something about chasing out bear-loving hippies from the Department of Justice, and something about making a comatose old man sign some papers… a good loyal bushie, enough said… *Donald Rumsfeld: according with Cheney he is "the finest Secretary of Defense this nation has ever had.", and if Cheney says so, it must be true… *Michael Brown: Two words, “Heck of a Job Brownie”… or was it three words?… anyway he is the guy that kicked that Lady Katrina’s butt… *Paul Wolfowitz: He helped us liberate Iraq with the right number of troops, way to go! *David Addington: Cheney’s minime… But, because the list of the names is so long (Almost 50!), I decided to provide a link for the rest of the names. Just ignore the liberal reality-base bias… Give Thanks to these scumbags bushies, you all did a heck of a job! The Greatest Gift Ever is Here!! Get them while they are HOT!!! White House. January 16, 2009 - People of Wikiality, I got some fantastic news!! The Greatest President Ever is selling granting Official Presidential Pardons!! Just like the Popes when they sell give their indulgences to sinners to fill up the coffers save their eternal soul, The Greatest President Ever is emulating their practice as a good Christian should… Not that we are saying that The Greatest President Ever is the Pope, but wouldn’t it be cool if he was? The Greatest President AND Pope Ever has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? EMERGENCY NEWS: DOUGHNUTS ARE THE DEVIL’S CAKE!! Police eagerly confiscate all doughnuts in America Liberalwhoretown! un-america. January 16, 2009 - Nation! We just received terrible news from a very reliable source. According to this source, doughnuts are actually the devil’s food; it is a secret gay-liberal Confection of Mass Destruction!! The Doughnut is their secret weapon to turn all Real Americans gay and then get daily abortions against their will!! “What people don’t realize is that gays and happy-go-lucky abortionists are actually witches, they put their gay-abortionist magic into the doughnuts and this way they will convert all of us into liberals and make us want to gay marry each other or abort our babies, sometimes both at the same time!” claimed a crazy bitch Katie Walker, the senior correspondent and gay-baby-abortionist-witch expert. However, gays and liberals could have not confected this devious plan alone. America, they got help! You probably wonder from whom did the gay bear-loving liberals got the funds and the resources to set up this devious plan, none other than “Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Inc.”, one of the most evil, gayest, and liberal organization on America!! We believe this is the Gaysrael for fat gay people, and they must be stopped! Someone needs to put them out of business! Nation, this is a problem. According with our statistics there are thousands of doughnut shops in America! Not only that, but Real Americans consume millions of doughnuts each year! We must eradicate this danger before is too late! BOYCOTT THE GAY DOUGHNUTS!!! Nation, write to Katie Walker, and tell her she is doing a wonderful job in protecting America against the ebil gay Doughnuts! contact Katie Walker! ...now I better get ready... WOW free doughnuts!!... more for me... The Greatest Presidency Ever Comes to an End Real Americans cry as they say goodbye… White House. January 15, 2009 - Nation, I don’t have to tell you that today is a sad day for all Real Americans as The Greatest President Ever says his farewell to The Greatest Nation Ever in the World, there were many teary eyes... I am sure there are some un-american bear-loving liberal who thinks “good riddance to rubbish”; well, may I remind you that the man you call “The Worst President Ever”… No, don’t lie to me, I know you talk trash about him when no Real Americans are around. This Great Man has kept us safe for seven years. He kicked Saddam Hussein’s butt and made the Taliban and bearrorists run for the hills! He even captured Osama Bin Laden and liberated Iraq! And right now Iraq is one of the most flourishing democracies in the middle-east! He is The Greatest Liberator Ever and he liberated America's school thanks to his terrible educational policies, and brought more water to thirsty Americans with his "Pollutant" policies "Water Liberating" policies that are melting liberating the Polar Glaciers in the struggle with The War on Terra. But I am sure some of you will tell me, “But what about the economy? And our civil liberties? And that other stuff that only un-american bear-loving hippie liberals care about?” Listen to me, the economy is not The Greatest President Ever’s fault, the fundamentals of our economy are still strong… it just happens to be on vacation and it will come back soon… also who needs civil liberties? If you have nothing to hide you don’t have to worry about it… unless you are an un-american bear-loving hippie liberal… are you? Plus, The Greatest President Ever has also kept us from gay marrying each other, be thankful for that... and if you are gay, be thankful too. You are not really gay, you are just confused and He is trying to fix you... There are so many Great Achievements to list here, but they are too many to write, so just trust me when I say He did a heck of a job... Besides, America is still The Greatest Nation in the Earth of All Time. The fact that America and us are still #1 is proof enough that Bush’s legacy will be secure for many years to come… So, we say farewell to The Greatest Human Being Ever Born… farewell, you gift to humanity. Some people will never understand you… …besides, there is always the possibility that The Greatest President Ever will run for 2012… EMERGENCY NEWS: Obama’s House Energy and Climate Adviser Carol Browner is a Secret Mooslim Socialist!! Obama: Heck of a Job Browner... Foxnews-city January 14, 2009 - NATION, WE IN SERIOUS SH#T! Carol Browner, the soon to be House Energy and Climate Advisor to the coming mooslim administration, was discovered to be a secret socialist!!! Who discovered this shocking news? None other than Sen. James Inhofe! By day he is just another Republican Senator… but by night he is a secret Intrepid Reporter! This brave and heroic soul found out that Carol Browner is a threat to America! First she is a member of CAP (Center for American Progress) (Communist for America Party) a very liberal bear-loving hippie communist organization whose agenda is to make all of us gay marry each other and destroy America’s true religion, Capitalism. Carol Browner’s first agenda once she is in power, will be to introduce “The Fairness Doctrine”, a fancy way of saying “Communism is Nice and We should Gay Marry Each Other” Doctrine. Nation, is time to Impeach Obama! History Already Writing The Greatest President Ever’s Legacy: Rave Reviews!! I Laugh, I cried, I deported an illegal January 14, 2009 - Some say that some time in the future, history will be much kinder to The Greatest Presidency Ever but I say that time is now! One reporter several historians are already writing The Greatest President Ever’s legacy on stone, and it looks pretty good! News of the death failure of The Greatest Presidency Ever has been greatly exaggerated, and as soon as history finishes “The Greatest Historical Achievements Ever in History”, the public will learn the Greatness of Our Beloved President. The revisions rewriting corrections for the Katrina Chapter is almost over… EMERGENCY NEWS: Un-American Traitor Destroys Tennessee’s House!!! GOP calls for the Army! Tennessee. January 14, 2009 - Nation, finally after 40 years the Tennessee GOP was able to finally take over control of the Tennessee’s State House!! With 50 Republicans and 49 Democrats! WE DID IT, WOHOOOO!!!!! Nation, you know what this means, the Tennessee GOP has promised a lot of goodies for this year to the Real Americans, like: More abortion votes like the new constitutional limits on abortion, 2nd amendment votes like new concealed weapons law, anti-immigrant legislation votes, anti-gay votes like bans on gay adoption and fostering, mandatory teaching of “intelligent design” in public schools, etc. – your basic nightmare right-wing nutjobs run amuck scenario GOP’s wet dream and the only hope to fix Tennessee once and for all. Who is the great man that will lead Tennessee into this bright future? None other than The Greatest Soon To Be Tennessee’s House Speaker Jason Mumpower, a super-far-right-wing Conservatie Republican that we all love and adore! REP. KENT WILLIAMS????!!!! THEY CHOSE A MODERATE AND REASONABLE REPUBLICAN????!!! WHAT THE F*K IS THIS???! Nation, those damn commie un-american bear-loving liberal hippies democrats have undermined democracy once again! They are not only un-americans but also backstabber traitors and mean losers! The Republican majority voted for Jason Mumpower The Greatest Soon To Be EX Nominated House Speaker of Tennessee, but the Democrats and Kent Williams That Republican Traitor voted for KENT WILLIAMS! The deciding vote went to that traitor and he voted himself!!!!!!!!! What have the Tennessee GOP ever done to you? Nothing! Shame on you, Tennessee democrats! This kind of behavior is shameful! You made Rep. Jason Mumpower cry! But Nation don’t worry, we will sent the Army to get these guys out of town soon… Child Pornographers Arrested Parents Upset: “Let them Go!” January 13, 2009 - The War against wikipedophiles is working, just today we arrested three teenage girls who sent their nude and semi-nude pictures of themselves with their cell phone to three male classmates three sluts and their sugar daddies for selling child pornography. But the battle is not over yet, as long as we don’t control the series of tubes, we will see more filth tainting the purity of our children’s soul. Liberal Media Barfs More Lies Lil’ America has a Crush with Lil’ Obama White House. USA. January 13, 2009 - Nation, the liberal media is at it again, this time they are spewing that Lil’ Condi’s pigtails were pulled by Lil’ Bush, because his superfriend Lil’ Olmert though she was a meanie. That’s not true! It is a liberal lie! What happened was that Lil’ Condi had something stuck in her hair and Lil’ Bush was just trying to help. Do not listen to Lil' Liberal's lies! Meanwhile Lil' Cheney shoot the face of another old man, but it was consensual. Emergency News: Number of Poors skyrockets! National Crisis, Ultra Rich Fears for their portfolio Ultrarichtown, USA. January 13, 2009 - Like a pestilence, it is swelling and growing in numbers, and it is feared that soon all of us will be poor. The new disease, called poverty, is multiplying at an alarming rate. Our panel of experts tell us that they have tried all solutions to exterminate it, but to no bail, “We gave all of the taxpayer money to the Ultra Rich folks and the banks, but for some reason poverty is multiplying. We need more bailout money!” claimed a CEO of AIG who says is an expert on combating poverty. “Idiot. Poor people are lazy and dumb, what we need to do is keep shouting to them to get a job! Maybe even make poverty illegal, that will work. Get a job you lazy scum!” claimed a long time Republican. “Nonsense, the poor don’t know better. What they need is more welfare…” claimed a commie liberal. “I have a solution, just give me all of your money, and I can make multiply it like magic, just don’t ask how I did it. It’s a secret” replied Bernie Madoff an Ultra Rich guy. The situation has gotten worst, the disease has already mutated into a form of super strain. The mutation is causing an enormous exodus of hippie liberals and undesirables from Gaylifornia into pouring to the rest of the country. It is feared that if this continues all of America will become CALIFORNIA!!! The Government has called an emergency plan, if the plan doesn’t work, the next step would be to nuke the “poor” before we are all infected. The CDC speculates that we have a week before the disease affects all of America… The Greatest President Ever Delivers Greatest Speech Ever The President stood naked wore magnificent robes made from the finest silk while delivering his speech White House. January 12, 2009 - The Greatest President Ever delivery one of The Greatest Speeches of The Century. The President agreed that mistakes were made people didn’t follow his orders correctly, so he forgave them for being confused. All Real Americans agreed that one of The Greatest Achievements of his Presidency Ever was the rescue of New Orleans. We can all agreed that such hell-hole should have been wiped out of the face of America forever, but The Greatest President Ever with such benevolence and merciful wisdom, decided to rescue the Sodomites black people. “The President was like a superhero, he personally drove the helicopter and rescued all the undesirables black folks and took them to the detention center Superdome to be rescued later. He is my hero!” replied a rich white person Real American. “Now, it should be easy to rebuilt the city. And we will start with my a Shopping Mall!” Rumor has it that a statue of The Greatest President Ever will be built in New Orleans to commemorate his superhero status. However, like always the liberal bear-loving un-american hippies disagree with it. Here is what they are saying, “The Federal Government’s response was slow Which we will not print here. After all, it is all rubbish and nonsense. You are doing a heck of a job Dubya… Gut News: Gut is the brain! January 12, 2009 People of Wikiality, for once science has it right! They have discovered that the real brain is in the gut after all! We are hoping that Stephen Colbert will receive the Nobel Prize as soon as they publish the findings of this amazing discovery. Shocking News: Ultra Rich Real American faces lynching heartless un-americans wants him to go to a cold, dark, and sodomising cell Ultrarichtown Patriotictown. January 12, 2009 - We the people of wikiality send our sympathies to Madoff this brave Real American. It seems that the poor man was swindled; he was deceived, and got con… by his greedy joowish un-american commie investors. And now, not happy with long decades of services they want to send him to prison FOR NO REASON. “This is America, the land of the free, and he has the right to be free. He is no threat to the community,” declared his lawyer. “We will prove that he is a good man, a good boss, and a good family man…” “You don’t understand… they kept asking for more money! More stuff! They were constantly hungry, asking for more! They almost ruin me!” replied Madoff the victim in tears. Shame on you! After loyal decades of services this is how you repay him? Didn’t he work hard and long for you? Dont you understand the concept of loyalty? The poor man had to sacrifice everything!! And now these same greedy joos un-americans are demanding to send him to jail for failing to abide by his contract to make lots of money for the joos commie traitors. Mooslim elected leader is hiding something Is that a Massive Economic Recovery Package, or a you just happy to see us? Innuendotown. January 12, 2009 - As always those mooslims black people liberals and the new leader is hiding something. We were told that the mooslim president elect would show us his Economic Recovery Plan “Package”; he promised that it would be something to remember, that we would be speechless, and maybe even a little envious. Many reporters in the room seemed excited and drooling to see it, some were just curious, but at the end he was just teasing. There was another reporter in the room, he looked joowish, he also seemed disappointed, “I feel like I just got dumped,” claimed Mr. Borowitz. Mr. mooslim president elect stop playing mind games! We already dine you, wine you, and even take you to dance this past election. I think the Real American public deserves to see that “package” now! But like always, he promised next time, that he had a headache, and wasn’t feeling well… The Greatest President Ever gets praise from The Greatest President Ever Sr. Father has no words and chocks up on his bitter tears White House. January 11, 2009 Quote: In “an unprecedented joint interview” of both Bush presidents, Fox News Sunday guest anchor Brit Hume asked George H.W. Bush (”Bush 41″) how he regards his son’s presidency. “Very positively,” the elder Bush said. “Why?” asked Hume. Bush then began choking up as he responded, “Well, because he can make a tough decision and stay with it. I mean, he’s been tested unlike any other president — with this 9/11. So he passed the test.” We can all agree that there are no words to describe The Greatest Presidency Ever’s legacy, because it was sooo AWSOME! No words could ever describe the awesomeness of it. Many Real Americans that we interviewed screamed yelled cursed cried tears of joy at the memory of these eight F*king wonderful years. There is no doubt that The Greatest Presidency’s Legacy is secure, look at The Greatest President Ever Sr., those are tears of shame and sorrow joy and pride! All of us will always tear up every time we think of The Greatest Presidency Ever. Thank you, sir. We will never forget you! Mooslim leader Black Person is new president: Racism is Over! Jim Crow seeks Presidency for 2012 Liberalcity. January 11, 2009 - While Racism is officially over, there are some liberonazis who insist that white people still see color, shame on you! The Supreme Court agreed to examine an old law that is no needed anymore and will decide what to do with the "Voting Right Act" "Black People Must Vote Because of Racism ACT" now that Racism is over. We all agree that since we have elected a mooslim black president, it is enough evidence to demonstrate a landmark case that Racism is over. Otherwise that mooslim That One would never have been elected. But as always the liberal bear-loving un-american RACIST hippies disagree. Liberal bear-loving un-american hippies, get this in your head! Racism is over; don’t you see that Black people don’t need you anymore? I have one lots of black friends and they all agree, Racism is over. Get over it! 2008 Armageddon was reschedule for 2009 Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse will ride hybrids White House. January 10, 2009 - Last year The Greatest President Ever rescheduled the Apocalypse with Jesus for another time. He told the Son of God that it wasn’t a good time for him, plus The Greatest President Ever though he could stop gay marriage before it was too late… Well, looks like Jesus is coming to town… Greatest Party Ever thrown before the collapse of civilization America Jesus brought sushi and beer… Armageddon, USA. January 9, 2009 - While the GOP continues to fight the good fight against the liberal bear-loving hippies with their new terrorist mooslim leader, the last days of The Greatest Presidency Ever are coming to a close. Many of us hope that the Supreme Court can still fix this mess, but we are suspecting that many of the Judges (The Real American ones) have been secretly blackmailed by the liberal media… so many young GOPers decided to throw The Last Greatest Party Ever before the end of Western American Civilization. ‘The Young Republican Club’ decided to host their last annual meeting before the end of times; so they decided to throw The Wildest Party Ever before Jesus raptures them. -“It may be the end, but at least we will go with a bang… which reminds me if I put the safety on this gun…” replied a young GOPer. -“I think I am getting drunk,” replied a young lady, “but who cares, at least I will get laid before I died…” -“What about my portfolio? Please, someone think of the dividends!” shouted a dishearten young capitalist… -“Well, is the end of capitalism… looks like we will have to learn Russian and accept socialism from now on… screw this, I am moving to Canada Alaska.” By the looks of it many bright futures of these young GOPers have been extinguished before they had a chance… thanks a lot Obama… I hope you are happy… The Greatest and Wildest Party Ever is schedule to last until Obama's swearing in the mooslim leader takes over the country, or when we are raptured, or when the Islamists invades America... or when Russia starts WWIII, or when Iran starts a Nucular Holocaust... whichever comes first... Bearrorist Leader Releases New Al-Bearda Book (coming soon: a movie about the book!) terrorist next to his Bearrorist master]] Great Terror Returns after years of absence White House, USA. January 9, 2009 - Before there was an Osama Bin Laden or a Saddam Hussein there was a greater threat against America, but this Great Terror has been absent for decades. You probably are wondering who is this Great Threat against America? He was and still is a legendary terrorist; he is the first Bearrorist in recorded history. And he released many bearrorists books that influenced many generations of bears over the decades, including the infamous Colbear. He led to the foundation of Al-Bearda and is one of the most influential and most dangerous Bearrorist of all time! Winnie The Pooh, or The Grandest Poohbah Bear Ever by his bearrorist associates, is back!! The last time he was observed in the spotlight was back in 1928, when he released his last book “The Bearrorist House at The Grandest Poohbah Corner”. After publishing his last book there was a period of deafening silence; there were no more anti-american messages for many years from him. Many suspected that he died of massive organ failure, but rumors persisted that he was still alive and in hiding after a failed assassination attempt in 1929. There has been even rumors that he was Hitler’s right hand during World War II and that he defected to Joseph Stalin's side after the war, but there has never been concrete evidence and the CIA dismissed it as just an urban legend. But now, after almost 81 years of his absence the Greatest Threat against America is back! And he is releasing his new anti-american book “The Return to the Socialist Paradise of the Glorious Hundred Acre Wood and The Death of America” promised to be on sale by Oct. 5 on Amazon.com, and if you shout “Death to America” and pledge allegiance to Al-Bearda, you get a 15% discount! We also suspect that the “British Taliban” Christopher Walker Robin (he prefers to go by his bearrorist name, Sulayman al-Bearrist) will return as well as Poohbah's second in command. Karl Rove: The Greatest President Ever Leaves The Greatest Legacy Ever! Liberal media continues slander White House. January 9, 2009 - Karl Rove, the master and architect of The Greatest Presidency Ever, gave an interview trying to set the record straight. The liberal media has been slandering our Beloved President and that doesn’t sit well with “Turd Blossom”. When asked what he thought when the liberal bear-loving hippies accused The Greatest President Ever of botching the housing issue, he was wrathful reasonably discontent, “All lies! You should know better than question The Greatest Presidency Ever. No mistakes were made; this was all an unforeseeable event that just came out of nowhere. There was nothing we could have done to prevent this. If you ask me, it was the democrats’ faults…” replied Karl Rove. “I am writing a book that will explains everything…” Governor of Illinois Will Spend More Time with Family He will be vacationing for 4 to 10 years. Prisontown Chicago, Il. January 9, 2009 - Governor Blowjobbiatch has decided to spend more time with his family, after a stressful misunderstanding. “No one gets me. I though using the Free Market would solve this issue easily, rather than use the inefficient and ineffective way to chose a senator; I have this golden thing and they wanted me to give it away for nothing! It saves time and money!” declared the governor. No only is Mr. Blagosonofabiatch a free market guy, but also a maverick when he chose his black friend to be the Jr. Senator. The state of Illinois is loosing a great guy. But at least he is not alone; Rep. Milton Patterson is a gut person, and his gut is telling him that Blowmebiatch is innocent, "I went by my own gut feeling, it's as simple as that" (actual quote). Victory in The War on Learning Teachers and students welcome The Greatest President Ever as liberator January 8, 2009 - Victory is near! Factonistas, nerds, science geeks, and labcoat Larrys are running for the hill! We thank you sir for saving the future of our children against the brainwashing doctrine of the liberal bear-loving hippies and math geeks! We just hope that we will soon replace their science books with bibles and start teaching "creationism", The Real way that the planet was created. The Greatest President Ever will receive the highest acolytes of achievement, The Medal of Educashun. Shocking News: Spiderman two-timing!! Spiderman swings both ways, left and right! January 8, 2009 - It wasn’t good enough for mr. superhero to have our beloved Stephen in his comic book. Now spiderman has invited the elected mooslim president to play sidekick! Well, this isn’t the last time that the comic book world has hurt Stephen’s heart… US continues war against Cyber-terror wikipedophile releases another youtube video calling for more pr0n Patriotictown, USA. January 8, 2009 - America, we are at war, and the terrorists are winning. Just yesterday I received an eerie avalanche of spam and promises of more pr0n penis enlarger junk mail. But I am not the only one fearful of this wild cyber-space, our poor men and women in uniform are also at risk of being victims of cyber-terrorism, which is why we must secure our borders firewalls. We must censor regulate cyber space before is too late. The Air Force had been fighting these cyber-space wiki-nazis for years, protecting our freedom and the bothersome need to think. After all, we just need our guts and we are free to not think for ourselves but to trust our government to do it for us. But these un-american traitors are making it difficult to defend America. But good news, we are winning the war, and soon we shall be free from these bothersome and pesky un-american bloggers terrorists. Mr. Rich Man’s Philanthropic Donation Denied commie liberal prosecutors upset and crazy Richtown, USA. January 8, 2009 - Bernie Madoff Mr. Rich Man accumulated a large sum of stolen wealth over the years, and he realized that he would soon loose all of it he was at the end due to unforeseeable circumstance. So, before he departed from the beautiful and glamorous world of the Ultra Rich and Famous; he wanted to do something awesome for himself his family his community. Madoff Mr. Rich Man decided to transfer his stolen wealth distribute his assets among his family member trusted individuals and trustees, so they can distribute it to the community. This is trickle down economics folks! And it has been proven to work and to be very effective. But commie big government liberals are not happy with it, they don’t want Bernie Madoff Mr. Rich Man to give away his assets to his family trustees, instead the government wants to seize his wealth so they can give it back to the rightful owners to keep it to themselves or maybe feed the poor. Because of this philanthropic act, they decided to put Mr. Rich Man in jail just because he is rich. Shame on you government! Stop blocking the fraudulent scheme invisible hand of the free market and let Madoff Mr. Rich Man to continue his philanthropic work! The Greatest Former Prime Minister of Australia visits America The Greatest President Ever holds a sleep over White House. January 7, 2009 - A while ago a dear friend of America came to visit upon us, to shine his beautiful light in all of us… and that friend is John Howard! Former Prime Minister of Australia! But for Real Americans like us he will always be The Greatest Prime Minister of Australia. The Greatest President Ever was very excited so he reserved the Blair House a few days ago months in advance, before anyone could make reservations. Sorry losers! John Howard was not the only visitor to come to America, but for Real Americans he is The Most Important Visitor to keep the undesirables to receive the Medal of Freedom! For those who tried to get accommodations this past month, too bad for you! You should have known better! It was a very happy reunion among friends, and everyone agree that it was the bestest month ever. Except for this one mooslim dude who tried to get a room and board, your lost. Instead he opted to spend the night in the manger… Nothing Important Happened This Week moving on Washington, USA. January 7, 2008 - Can the Republican Party catch a break these days? Six of the candidates running to be the party’s next leader were supposed to sit down this morning for a debate — the second this week. The forum had been pressed by some state Republican leaders who, given the tough straits the party is in these days, wanted to hear the six candidates talk about their prescriptions for the party in a public debate. One small problem, which became clear as the secretary called the roll: No quorum. Not enough Republicans had turned out to allow for the official convening of a meeting. The party chairman, Mike Duncan, who is I SAID NOTHING HAPPENED!!! Moving on… America’s Oldest Profession in danger! women forced to get educashun… Sleazytown, USA. January 7, 2009 - Nation, our economy is suffering the fundamentals of our economy are still strong, but it could really use a new tune up. Many industries are shutting down taking a break, and without a doubt the most disturbing sign of things to come is when the pr0n industry is on the verge of bankruptcy; experts agree that crime, firearms, cigarettes, and alcohol sales/consumption is in it’s all time low. These vital industries are in jeopardy unless something is done to “stimulate” the economy back in “full swing”. “Is bad, bro. None of my hoes were able to get my money,” replied a hard working pimp. “Things are really bad, people are too stress out and worried about the future to think about sex… even the sex offenders are too depressed to get out of bed…” Hoes and pimps are not the only ones suffering, strippers and exotic dancers were forced to go back to school and get a degree to get better jobs; many naïve teenage girls have decided to stay in school rather than pursue an exotic, glamorous, and adventurous life in the escort service or the sex industry of adult and film entertainment; and teenage pregnancy has fallen flat this month alone! “I am loosing a valuable source of cheap labor!” replied a local fast-food owner, “Do you know how hard it is to find unwed teenage mothers or brainless dimwitted kids that will work for slave wages? I need my source of cheap labor… there aren’t enough illegals to hire. Young stupid brainless kids or unwed teenage girls are keeping the nation’s economy flowing!” Nation, please buy some pr0n, and start repopulating America before it is too late! All proceeds of the sale of pr0n magazines, videos, and other sleazy nature goes to supporting these naked women who need clothing... why do you think they are naked? Also the hoes, pimps, and strippers need to eat too... so be a patriot and get laid... but cash in hand first. Roland Burris, a great student of Truthiness a man of the gut Washington Racist Town in America. January 7, 2009 – Roland Burris wasn’t ask to lead the nation congress his constituents. He was told by God and his corrupt friend Maverick Friend, that he was the only one to do it. But Mr. Burris is fighting against discrimination and racism that still plagues the Democratic Party. So, you probably wonder why should we care? Mr. Burris is a democrat and black! liberal, what do we care? Because Mr. Roland Burris is following the teachings of our Great Stephen! Mr. Burris is following his gut, not his brain when it comes to his choice, and he knows in his gut that he is the only man to do the job. Mr. Roland Burris has brought great accomplishments to America, we also believe he will bring new changes to the Democratic Party, a change that will destroy them reform them. Keep the goof fight Mr. Burris… Blagojiabiatch’s Black Friend Denied Front Seat Democrats are secret racists! Democrats: "Segregation now, segregation forever!" Democratic Congress, most racist place in America. January 6, 2009 - While we the people of wikiality would not give two cents or a hoot about the happenings of the liberal bear-loving democrats. That doesn’t mean we will stop being spectators of this drama that is unfolding and tearing apart their party what we believe is a very racist and un-american action of discriminating against a poor black man. As soon as the democratic bloodbath is over the GOP should take back their rightful place come and clean up this racist mess. But let us go on with the drama. The democratic party just showed their true ‘color’, which is white. They have refused a colored man to take a seat; I assume it was the front of the bus or something. Shame on you democrats! You should learn to be colorblind like our beloved Stephen! There is no doubt that democrats are racists and deserve the worse, there is no proof or evidence that says otherwise. Just Because Mr. Balogviablowmeoffbiatch’s friend happens to be black, doesn’t mean he should be refused to have a seat. Mr. Burris, keep up the good fight and make those democrats pay, is not like this event will tear your party apart while the GOP waits patiently to retake their rightful place. Let us hope the NAACP does their job and fight off these racist democrats out of town… Did I mention that the GOP is non-racist and we are colorblind? After all we helped to elect a mooslim black president! Opening This Week: "Mr. Burries Goes to Washington" Blagojevich: I laugh, I cried, I lost my job Corruptiontown Chicago, Il. January 5, 2009. - Coming soon, to the theater nearest you… another liberal movie made by liberal Hollywood, but strangely enough liberals are already hating the movie. You will think they will like this sort of stuff… well at least Republicans have a much more refined taste when it comes to movies. European Union’s series of tubes SAFER than US against Terror threat!!! and who is protecting me from the pr0n? Why isn’t the mooslim terrorist president doing something?! London, England. January 5, 2009 - And you thought it couldn’t get any worse this year. This is why we should NOT be holding new elections; if the old president is still good, why change it? Not only are America’s series of tubes plagued with pr0n and spam, but we are far less safer against cyber terrorist attacks or terrorist who use wikipedophile. Meanwhile those tea-sucking-terrible-denture Brits are safeguarded by their new cyber-police . The cyber-police, or robot-cop E-cop, is one of the most important tools against the war on terror… yet how come we don’t have it? The Europeans has it!! The fricking Euros, those damn liberals hippie-bear-loving euro-trash are allowed to do a “search and seizure” of anyone’s computer files without warrants!!! HOW COME!!!??? Meanwhile un-american terrorist hippie bear-loving liberals continue to fill their computers with filthy filthy things like downloaded pr0n, liberal hippie music, and movies that are destroying America. IF we don’t do something soon to police America's cyber-space and spy our own citizens from cyber-land, things like this will be popping out everywhere! DO YOU WANT THAT!? Europeans! Our Greatest President Ever have been slashing and cutting our civil liberties since the start of the war! We know all about spying our own citizens. Hell! We even recorded their phone sex in case there is a horny terrorist out there… We have the Patriot Act!! We check people’s library cards for God’s sake!! And we are loosing to the Europeans!? That’s not fair!! What do we have to show for ourselves? Censored text messages!? That's not good enough! Sure it may protect us from the *beep* invading our cell phones that are trying to plant their *beep* thoughts. But that wont stop them from still sending their *beep*-mail. Even the Australians are doing a better job than us! Damn those kangaroo-lovers… Nation, we are not loosing our civil liberties fast enough! If we don’t allow our government to take all of our liberties to protect us from the terrorist, we will loose to the scum Euro-trash! And I hate to loose! So write up your congressman and tell them to hack your email and pc, put video cameras in our bedrooms and keep listening to our phone sex conversation!! That way we will be safer than those euro trash… Pentagon Calling Grandpa back to service Next on the list are the disable and the retarded. Gays not need to enlist Patriotictown, USA. January 5, 2009 - For years old people have been riding the coattails of America, these old folks do nothing but cash in their social security check and get their Medicare benefits. But thankfully The Greatest Military Force in the Planet has decided to use these discarded resources by recycling their old and retired soldiers. Who said the pentagon isn’t environmentally friendly? The Pentagon will soon deploy their “Old Geezer Squad” platoon by the end of the month… Freedom of Speech Targeted hippies still have lousy musical taste Freedomland, USA! January 3, 2009 - Bear-loving liberal hippies are threatening freedom of speech, and the target as always is our beloved Fox News! Not content of defaming and slandering the Greatest American News Media, these islamofacists have also claimed that Fox News have lousy musical taste!! The Greatest Song Ever just got the coveted #1 place in the charts, and Fox News was the only news media that gave it seal of support and approval. Driven by jealousy and envy, the liberal media is trying to infringe Fox New’s freedom of speech; and accusing all Real Americans of having lousy musical taste! Well, I am sorry, but we the people of wikiality disagree with your hippie-liberal opinion. Everyone one knows that Rock and Roll corrupts the youth, it weakens the mind and threatens the purity of their Christian soul. And hippie liberal music is nothing but liberal brainwashing propaganda to turn our children into pinko-commies and gay marriage each other! And bear-loving commie liberals call that good music! I am sorry but Fox News will NEVER apologize for having good musical taste... Foreigners, Speak American! Sign language teachers booted out of town xenophobiatown Nashville, USA! January 3, 2009 - We the people of wikiality salute the citizens of Nashville on their bravery in the war against foreigners! As you know these un-american parasites visitors are refusing to learn our language. Speak American!!! Instead we are just cuddling and encouraging these un-americans to retain their foreign tongues by allowing the printing material and the speaking of their "language" to be permitted in the sweet sweet land of the free and home of the brave. This is America and we are fee to speak American; so start learning!! But luckily this liberal agenda will be stopped. The citizens of Nashville are holding an election to determine if English American should be their official offical language and will become an amendment if it passes. Making the speaking, writing, and reading of their foreign letters and speech illegal!! Thank God!! “If the law passes we will start banning those foreign dictionaries, you know those with foreign language-American dictionaries, they are nothing but tools to encourage our kids to learn foreign things… we will also kick out those damn interpreters out of town... about time! I never thought they were American by learning someone else’s language...” – replied a man in white robes with a hood. But not everyone agrees, according with some liberal hippie egg-head, “This is insane! Teachers wont be able to teach these new comers how to speak English if we are banned to use any other language, even ESL classes will be forbidden in school!” Sorry but if these un-american foreigners wanted to learn how to speak American, they should have learned before they came here! Or better yet, they should have been born American… teaching foreigners how to speak English is just a waste of tax payer money. Meanwhile the brave men and women in uniform agree in the new policy changes, “This is ridiculous, our police officers and doctors need interpreters in our force. Otherwise we wont be able to diagnose patients or deter crime or even interrogate witnesses this way”… but there is no need to ask their opinion. Even business owners agree with the new changes, "This is going to be disastrous for our economy!" declares local business owner. Nashville, we hear your message; keep America's jobs American! Bravo, citizens of Nashville! You are setting a great example!! But I say the policy doesn’t go too far, we should also start banning the teaching and writing of Braille. Blind people, dots are not letters and that is not American! If you want to read a book, learn how to read American! Its not that blind people cant see, is just that their eyes are lazy! And don’t think that you deaf and mutes are out of the hook either! Sign language is not a real language if you cant speak it, that is just an excuse to be lazy! Sign language is a gateway to devil worship! Deaf and mutes, learn how to speak AND hear American, or you are just being unpatriotic! Just because your ears and tongues don’t work doesn’t mean you cant, it just mean you are being lazy welfare queens asking taxpayers to accommodate your lifestyle, which is a choice!… well, no more! Hottest Music of the Year Takes #1!! whites People agree, Bestest Music Ever! Crakertown. USA. January 2, 2009 - One of the Hottest Song Ever has hit the USA and its taking the nation by storm. Republicans, conservatives, whites, the Ultra Rich, and the GOP love it! They cant get enough of the Greatest Song Ever. Even Fox News supports it!! Many believe that the new song will become the Greatest Musical Album Ever and win a Platinum Album!! Congratulations guys!! You deserve it!! Terrorists Trick Airport Security Homeland Security hiring gynecologists America. USA! January 1, 2009 - In what could had been the worst terrorist aircraft hijacking in American history, has been thwarted thanks to the bravery of the men and women in uniform. The incident happened last night, when a couple boarded ‘Norwest Airline Fight 59’. What the passengers didn’t know was that the terrorist-couple were smuggling a mini-terrorist inside one of them. “We believe that they smuggled the terrorist within Mrs. Terrorist’s “snatch”. It was pretty clever; no one would have ever though about doing a search in there…” declared airport security. The Terrorist-couple were able to fool security and board their airplane, all would have gone according to their plan, if it wasn’t for a blunder. The Terrorist’s “snatch” couldn’t hold up much longer, so the mini-terrorist prematurely tried to escape from his hiding place and tried to assault the air marshal. But luckily the little bastard was overpowered and the Terrorists were arrested. Because of the incident, homeland security will now enforce a new policy, a widespread vaginal snatchginal search on every passenger from now on. “You can’t believe how many patriots have volunteered to sign up!! No doubt about it, we will make America safer after this!” declared airport security. Strangely enough only very few female volunteers signed up; this shows that America’s National Security is a man’s job… *Update: for some stranger reasons there is a large group of women protesting outside the airport. They demand that the terrorists be released immediately, and for the airport to ‘apologize’ to the Terrorist-couple. They also want Homeland Security to drop their "dumb" idea… no doubt, they must be un-american feminazis… Is a New Years Miracle!! Thieves are sorry Ultrarichtown, USA. January 1, 2009 - Is a christmas New Years miracle! Mr. Madoff Ultra Rich Man got his stolen property back! Acording with the police the thieves were sorry and ashamed when they heard the story of how by depraving Madoff this beautiful beautiful saint of his belonging has caused a lot of anguish. “We are sooo sorry,” cried the thieves. “I am so ashamed, I will never be able to show my face in public!!” Let this be a lesson to the thieves. What you did was immoral and shameful; you bring shame and embarrassment to your people and your family!!! Crime never pays, and you should always return what you have taken unlawfully. Can you imagine the lives that you wreak by committing such atrocious and shameful crimes? What would your mother say about this? Imagine what your community is whispering behind your backs… hell, I am sure your ancestors wished that you have never been born. But thank God the police was here; so no harm, no foul… ---- Breaking News Archive